Date posted: March 31, 2025

By: Sarah E. Wagner

“We’re literally the first permanent national memorial, which I can’t believe we’ve accomplished that because back then [in January 2021] we were so deep in our grief that we didn’t even realize what we were doing. So the fact that we did it and we continue to maintain it is really amazing.”

– Rima Samman-Whitaker in a video interview for Asbury Park Press, March 13, 2025

“There was and still is just a profound sense of emptiness, regret, blame, and longing. It’s drowning over and over again without ever catching your breath.”

– Michelle Digangi, mother of Jonathan Digangi, who died of COVID at the age of 26.

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Members of the RIM team drove from Washington, DC, to the Allaire Community Farm in Wall, NJ, on March 15, 2025, to join Rami’s Heart, its community of mourners and supporters, in their efforts to mark five years since the start of the pandemic. This year’s fifth annual lighting ceremony began slightly later than in the past, at 6:00 pm, just as dusk was starting to settle over the farm and the memorial. Those who arrived early were immediately drawn toward a series of memorial signs (“In loving remembrance”) placed on either side of the stretch of lawn that leads to the covered memorial space of Rami’s Heart. Some lingered to study the faces; others took photographs of their loved one’s sign.

The memorial itself also had a new feature: a printed directory at the entrance that allowed visitors to look up individual names and locate the memorial stone in the corresponding “”heart”—the display case that houses one of the twelve clamshell-bordered hearts.

Visitors took their time walking through the memorial illuminated by lights strung above and lines of mason jars filled with tea lights below. Gestures of tender recollection, fingertips kissed and traced over names; cameras zoomed into focus; words shared in hushed tones—all combined to reinforce an aura of sacral remembrance. Shells, stones, memories, and the people who treasure them.

Alongside these images and descriptions of memorial, its attendees, and the atmosphere of the day, in this dispatch we want to give space to a tribute of mourning shared by one of the ceremony’s speakers, Michelle Digangi, mother of Jonathan Digangi. Her words brought us, the audience, to tears, both in recounting the loss of her son and how the knowledge of his suffering and pain of his absence have forever changed her and her family:

“Just over four years ago we lost our son Jonathan on January 3, 2021 after he fought relentlessly for 18 long days by himself with no one by his side. During those 18 days, he never allowed me or his father to know how sick he really was. It wasn’t till the day before he left us that we realized when he texted us both saying he was in too much pain he couldn’t fight anymore and he asked to be put on a ventilator. His words to his ICU nurse was just “Tell my mom I will be ok.”

The hospital would not allow us to be by him even when they knew he was never coming home. There were no last goodbyes, no ‘I love you so much and I am proud to be your mom.‘

There was and still is just a profound sense of emptiness, regret, blame, and longing. It’s drowning over and over again without ever catching your breath.

As a family, we not only lost a son and brother, we lost our futures together. We have three boys and all their lives we did everything together, even as they became adults. We embodied a true sense of family in every way. From celebrating all holidays, birthdays and special events with each other. So to say we only lost a son would be a lie; we lost our family. There are no more happy holidays decorating the tree or dying Easter eggs. No longer do we look forward to our annual apple picking and hayrides. Where there was once so much love, happiness and joy, what has been left behind is sadness, and loss so profound the devil himself would be brought to his knees. We all lost so much the day JonJon was taken from us. The world lost a light so bright even the stars themselves would be jealous of him.

Living without a child rips at not only [your] heart but your soul. It changes you in ways that you don’t even recognize yourself most days. It puts a stain on all your relationships because the person you were before is truly not the person you are today. Hell, somedays I don’t even like myself. I’ve lost the me that I was and do not know how to cope with the person I was forced to become.

Our two other boys have been our reason to continue on. They are our life and without them not sure where we would be today. I wish I had some words to tell you it gets better or easier, but I would be lying to you all. For me the pain and longing are just as bad today as the day Jonathan left us. Nothing makes that broken shattered piece of your heart and soul stop aching and hoping that each morning you will wake up and it was all just a nightmare.

I am grateful to Rami’s Heart for being a driving force in memorializing our loved ones because whether it’s a son, daughter, mother, father or any person you love, they all deserve to be remembered, loved, and honored for as long as we live.

Thank you for taking the time to listen about the loss of our son Jonathan Digangi, forever 26.”

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In our own remarks, presented by RIM team member Paige Gavin, we sought to recognize the lasting imprint of losses such as Michelle’s, alongside the powerful, enduring work of Rami’s Heart Memorial. Paige explained:

“We’ve learned that the work of remembrance happens through grand acts and small gestures. It’s with that in mind and on an occasion like today, that we as researchers can say to you, this vast but tightly knit community of mourners, that what you do will live on – for years and decades to come. Your memories will be this nation’s memories. Maybe they don’t know it yet, but the bright yellow shells and hand-painted rocks are laying the cornerstones of collective memory that no attempts at pandemic revisionism or social forgetting can brush away.”

To Rima and Trav, to Michelle Digangi, her husband and her two other boys, to all of the Rami’s Heart community: thank you for allowing us to stand with you in this beautiful event of remembrance and solidarity.